Bed of Lies
by Darth Furby
Summary: [Chapter 6] Taichi and Yamato both awake in their respective homes after a night of talking. As Taichi realizes he's going to end up to telling Yamato his feelings whether he likes it or not, Yamato begins to peice things together in his own mind.
1. Preface

...Now what is this I've stumbled on..?

Well, Obviously, this is Bed of Lies v.2.1 Its v.2.1 because it's the rewriting of the second version of this story. I'll probably repost v.1 at some point, so you can see just how much better this one is. Anyway, if any of you reading this now are familiar with my original Bed of Lies fic, you'll know that this is my answer to the unholy thing known as '25 years later' (or '25 hits of LSD'). If you didn't, well you do now. This story will leave some loose ends. That's because its 1 of 3 stories that I will someday complete, that will all explain what the hell was happening in the last 15 minutes of Digimon Adventure. I'm not saying that this is the absolute truth, I just think this is what seems likely to have happened.

And just to make it more clear this time around, for God's sake do you really think this is going to end in Sorato? After everything I'm putting poor Taichi through in this chapter alone? (This is most in response to someone asking me in a review of the first version of this tale why I was writing Sorato if Taito is my favorite couple. This story takes awhile to unfold, so be patient little ones..)

I also hope no one feels I am in any way bashing Sorato here. I like Sorato, as a matter of fact. I just happen to think that Sora and Yamato seem very divorced in the epilogue. I'm not denying the fact that their kids are siblings (they are in both the Japanese and American versions) either.

The last thing to explain about this story, and probably the most confusing bit, is that its basically one long ass songfic. Its based around the Matchbox Twenty song 'Bed of Lies'. At the beginning of each chapter there will be lyrics. The chapter is more of less based around those lyrics, and the story follows the song in lyrical order. And if something doesn't make sense to you about what the lyrics have to do with the story, do say something. I have weird ways of interpreting lyrics sometimes, and I really want to make sure people get how the song works with the story. I'm also going to post the lyrics in full right here in this introduction. Maybe you'll be able to see where this is going. I already have this thing mapped out in full, but hey, its still fun to guess.

[_No I would not sleep in this bed of lies _

_So toss me out and turn in_

_And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes_

_I'm marking it down to learning _

_I am_

_Don't think that I can take another empty moment_

_Don't think that I can fake another_

_hollow smile_

_It's not enough just to be sorry._

_Don't think that I could take another talk about it_

_Just like me you got needs_

_And they're only a whisper away_

_And we softly surrender_

_To these lives that we've tendered away_

_No I would not sleep in this bed of lies_

_So toss me out and turn in_

_And they'll be no rest for these tired eyes_

_I'm marking it down to learning _

_I am_

_Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over_

_Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong_

_Where it's not enough just be sorry_

_Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in_

_Tried to be more than me_

_And I gave 'til it all went away_

_And we've only surrendered_

_To the worst part of these winters we've made_

_I am all that I'll ever be_

_When you - lay your hands_

_Over me_

_but don't go weak on me now_

_I know that it's weak_

_But God help me I need this_

_I will not sleep in this bed of lies_]

And in closing, the disclaimer.

I don't own Digimon. It owned by a lot of companies, and seems to keep switching owners over her in America. Unfortunately, Saban still owns the first two seasons. *motions with hand* Grrrr. Arrrrggggggg...


	2. This Bed of Lies

A/N: Hot damn, Its finally done. This is chapter 1 of 11, but don't worry, the other chapters will probably not be this long. This one sure wasn't supposed to be this long. I'm not sure how I managed to make it this long. Anyways, I'll not talk here long since I've already put you through that horrible intro.

[_No I would not sleep in this bed of lies _

_So toss me out and turn in_

_And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes_

_I'm marking it down to learning _

_I am_]

The day began like any other. Taichi was woken by the sounds and smells of his roommate's cooking. He sat up, noting how dark his small bedroom felt that day. But before he could speculate what it might mean, his roommate had his head poked through his door, and was sending him an unamused look.

"Hurry the hell up. I want to eat."

"You can always eat without me, you know."

"You know I don't like doing that."

"You don't have to be so considerate."

"Look, just because I have manners-"

He was cut off by a pillow hitting him square in the face. Which was followed by Taichi's high pitched giggle. He was too annoyed to say anything. Which only made Taichi giggle more. Taichi straightened up when he saw that Yamato had that familiar homicidal glint in his eyes.

"Sorry, sorry. Couldn't help myself."

"You never can."

"I know," Taichi grinned a bit impishly. "I'm getting up now, though."

Yamato raised an eyebrow, as Taichi had made no move yet to leave his bed.

"I swear!"

Yamato rolled his eyes and left the room. Taichi watched him leave. Or, rather, he stared at Yamato's butt as he left. As he did nearly every other morning that began this way. He then hastily slid out of bed and got dressed, not wanting to piss off his friend any more than he already had. When he reached their small kitchenette, he found his friend as grumpy as he'd been during their previous exchange.

"Took you long enough."

"Took me all of five minutes," Taichi sent him a slightly icy stare.

Yamato sighed, now wishing he hadn't been so cold. "I'm sorry..I'm kind of on edge today."

"Oh?" Taichi looked up from his food, meeting Yamato's tense gaze. "Why's that?"

"I-" Yamato looked down briefly. "I'm..gonna..I'm gonna ask her."

Taichi felt his jaw, not to mention his heart, drop. "Say what?"

"You heard me. I'm going to ask her."

"When? How?"

"At lunch. I'm..not really sure how I'm going to..to say it."

"Not going to hide the ring in her food?"

"God no. Besides, I don't have a ring yet."

"And you expect her to say yes," Taichi raised an eyebrow. " To a guy who can't even buy a ring?"

"Oh shut up," Yamato sent a disdainful stare at his friend. "I'm sure she's going to say yes anyways."

"Then why are you so nervous?"

"I-" Yamato considered for a moment. "I don't know."

"I think," Taichi said, giving his friend a very direct, and very knowing look. "I think that you're afraid of actually settling down."

Yamato blinked. The thought had actually not crossed his mind, even once. And now that he though about it he wasn't sure it was quite that simple. _I'm not sure if I can call anywhere other than here home. I mean, isn't home supposed to be where you feel safe, and wanted? Even when we're fighting, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here._

"Knock knock, anyone home in there?" Taichi said softly, but still with noted sarcasm. Somehow, he had snuck up behind Yamato, slinging his left arm around neck while at the same time rapping on his skull as if Yamato were some kind of doorknocker.

"No, we're out right now, go away," Yamato turned his face up and around to give Taichi an amused look. "I was just..thinking about what you said.."

"Am I right?"

"In..in a way.."

"Which means..?"

"I-" Yamato looked up, somewhat suddenly. "We'll talk later, okay?"

Taichi looked a little taken aback, but didn't make any move to say so. "Yeah, I guess."

Yamato stood up abruptly, causing Taichi to nearly fall over. As Taichi gained his composure, he noticed the sullen look in his friend's eyes. Yamato seemed to be mulling something over in his head, and quite intensely at that. _Is he thinking about his proposal again? No, his brain doesn't switch gears like that. I must have hit a nerve unintentionally. But the fact that he seems so affected must mean that I did the right thing, bringing that up and all. Although it seems like its been awhile since he looked so doubtful about anything. I hope I didn't break his heart, even indirectly. As much as the idea of Him marrying Sora sickens me, the thought of Yamato losing yet another thing dear to him sickens me even more. He doesn't deserve to lose her, even if I wish he would._

"Taichi? Taichi, I'm leaving now," Yamato frowned, looking at his friend with a concerned look on his face. "Are you going to say goodbye?"

"Huh? Oh, I guess I slipped into thought myself," Taichi grinned sheepishly, feeling a bit foolish. "When do you think you'll be home tonight?"

"Around six. We can talk some more then, alright?"

"Sounds good. See you later."

Yamato made to leave, but instead turned around and hugged his friend. He ran out very quickly, leaving Taichi to ponder whether he should be happy or just confused.

Taichi got home that night around 6:15, expecting to find Yamato waiting for him Instead he came home to find a hastily written note explaining that he wouldn't be home until much later, much to Taichi's annoyance. He felt is heart sink a little bit, as he'd been looking forward to seeing him, even just for the sake of being able to talk for a decent amount of time. Taichi crumpled the note angrily and threw away before lazily sitting down in the slightly cramped living room.

_Oh well. I really shouldn't have expected any more of him. He's probably at Sora's having a great time. I was stupid to get so excited over that hug this morning. He's done things like that more times than I can count, and yet I thought it would mean anything more this time than it did any other time? God, I am hopeless. But this morning was rather odd. And I don't think he's ever hugged me goodbye before.._

Taichi got up and looked out the window, wondering how he had let things slide this far. And whether he cared to let them go any more. He'd had years to do something, years that had only let Yamato's relationship with Sora become deeper and deeper. He cursed himself for being so stupid and sat down again.

_How old was I when I realized how deep my feelings ran? 15? No, it was my sixteenth birthday. Yamato thought it would be fun to throw a party even though I had told him not to. I remember being livid about it, even though I didn't fully realize why I was so mad that wasn't going to spending the night alone with him. I think it came to me the morning after, when I listened to the messages he'd left on my phone, and how I wanted the worry in his voice to be coming from somewhere deeper than our friendship. I realized I wanted him to love me. _ Thinking back, Taichi realized he had been rather obvious in his feelings fro Yamato, and began to wonder why Yamato hadn't noticed then. _I know why he doesn't notice now; because I make sure he doesn't. But back then.. I was so nervous around him after I realized how I felt. He definitely noticed that. But instead of questioning it, he became to  busy  with his girlfriend to figure out why. I wouldn't be surprised if the thought has never crossed his mind. _

Taichi stared intently at the clock on the wall opposite him. It was now nearly Eight o'clock. Yamato's note said he'd be home around 8:30, though Taichi didn't trust that. He wouldn't start getting worried unless Yamato was gone past midnight without calling. He sighed, leaning back in his chair, feeling bored out of his mind and increasingly angry at Yamato. _Most times, I usually have no right to be mad at him, but I really hate when he says he'll be home early so we can talk, and then doesn't show. I really do. I mean, what right does he have to ditch me like this?_ Taichi frowned, trying to remember when the last time was that Yamato had actually kept his word about something like this. _It was before he started dating Sora. _Taichi's eyes widened with realization._ Oh God, don't tell me she's the reason. Oh God..I can't believe I didn't notice this trend earlier. He never ditched me, or anyone else for that matter, before he started dating her_. Taichi felt like punching the wall. _He never ditched anyone except his dad for me..but yet he'll ditch anyone and everyone for her._

He felt his heart drop, much further than it had dropped earlier. He felt like crying, but didn't know what for, since he knew he had no real right to feel this way. _He has no idea what he's doing. How could he? I've never told him anything of how I feel. What right have I got to put any blame on him? I'm the one who's breaking my heart by staying silent._

Yamato glanced around the dark bedroom, and wondered what exactly he was doing. His day had gone smoothly enough, though he did feel a bit guilty about breaking his promise to Taichi about being home at six. But not guilty enough to do anything about it right then. He sat up, nervously running his fingers through his hair. _Why the hell am I nervous? And about what? Its not like he's gonna disown me as a friend after tonight or anything. At least I don't think so. But then, I have been breaking meeting times, times I'd promised to see him, talk to him, a lot recently._ Yamato shook his head, angry at himself for thinking Taichi would ever be unforgiving of him. _No, if he was upset about it, he'd tell me. I know he would._

_Wouldn't he?_

At that moment, the door opened. Sora glided in and perched on the bed next to him. Her wet hair was wrapped in a towel, but otherwise she was stark naked. She also seemed to be glowing a bit, something which reminded Yamato of why he was here.

"Yamato? Are you still awake?"

"Yeah," he turned his head to face her. She smiled.

"You can go take a shower now, if you want," she motioned towards the bathroom adjacent to her bedroom with his foot.

Yamato considered for a moment, then shook his head. "Nah, I think I'll pass tonight. I need to call Taichi though..I kind of told him I would be home at 8:30.."

"Don't you think you should keep your promises to him at least some of the time?"

"Hey, if anything was wrong, he'd say so."

Yamato glanced at her oddly before getting up and leaving her alone in the room. He chanced a look at the time before picking up the phone and speed dialing his own phone number. _Almost ten. I really hope he's as forgiving as I assume him to be._

"Moshi moshi?"

"Um," Yamato fidgeted a bit. "Hi."

"Hi yourself," The answer was more than a little unamused. Taichi had obviously been stewing in his own juices for a bit too long. "I was beginning to think you had died."

"Haha," Yamato wasn't liking the tone Taichi's voice was taking. "Umm, I-"

Taichi cut him off. "You're not gonna be home. I get it. She's more important than keeping promises, to me or to anyone else."

Yamato nearly dropped the phone. "Taichi, don't you think you're exaggerating just a little?"

"Not really. Although I really ought to congratulate you on getting my hopes up today. You really had me going."

"I honestly meant what I said earlier. It's just that-"

"That you accidentally made a date with her instead? I'm really not in the mood to hear your stupid excuses."

"I.." Yamato wasn't sure how to respond. He didn't want a fight, but the conversation certainly seemed to be heading that direction. "I'm sorry.."

"Too late," Yamato could hear something other than anger in his friend's voice when he said that. "It's too damn late!"

_Pain? God, if I was hurting him so much, why didn't he say something?_

"Taichi.."

"Don't! I'm sick of you and your..your pity! I'm sick of it!!"

"Pity?" Yamato was starting to feel a little confused. But at the same time, he found himself growing angry. "How can you say that? You're my best friend, how can you say I don't actually care?"

"Because you don't! You break promises, you never talk to me anymore..." Taichi swallowed the tears that wanted to make themselves known. "You couldn't care less!"

"You're not even going to give me a chance to fix things?"

"A chance? A _chance_? You've had plenty!"

"No I haven't!" Yamato was definitely angry now. "When have you said anything? How am I to know if something's wrong if you don't tell me?!"

"Why don't you ever notice what you're doing?! You should be able to tell if you're making a mistake yourself!"

"How am I supposed to know if I'm hurting you if you don't say anything?!"

"I shouldn't have to!" Taichi couldn't believe how stupid Yamato was being. "I can't believe how blind you've become!"

"Blind? About what? Taichi, you aren't making sense!"

"Maybe you haven't noticed," Taichi could feel a lump forming in his throat. "But Sora isn't the only person besides you in your life!"

Yamato's fingers trembled with a combination of rage and some other emotion he couldn't identify as he uttered his mindless, but quite life altering retort.

"Just because you're my best friend," he was finding it difficult not to clench his jaw in anger. "You think I shouldn't have a life beyond you, is that it?"

"You know that's not what I meant."

"Sure sounded like it to me." He hung up.

Taichi wasn't sure why, but he cried himself to sleep that night. Yamato however, felt that this was the push he had needed to make up his mind about Sora.

Yamato came home a few days later, hoping to make amends, but to no avail.

"You actually think I'm going to even think about letting this go?!"

"I was hoping maybe the maturity level on your end had risen while I was gone," Yamato sent him a serious look of contempt for the first time since they were twelve. "Seems I was wrong to get my hopes up."

Taichi, on the other hand, sat down at the kitchen table and seemed determined not to make any kind of visual contact with Yamato. "You're not one to talk about being mature."

"I never put you through this when you ask me to forgive you for something," Yamato was angry to the point of being slightly infuriated, much more angry than he had been at any point during their argument over the phone. "You, on the other hand insist on holding grudges that you later refuse to explain!!"

"That's because it doesn't matter to you." Taichi said this with much more coolness than he was actually feeling.

"Are you saying that if it did, I would never forgive you, and then not even tell you why I won't? Is that it?"

Taichi looked at him this time. He had the piercing stare of someone who had been crying a lot and not getting enough sleep. Yamato, of course, blocked this out. "If you cared, you wouldn't drop things the minute I asked you. It pisses me off when you do that, but you wouldn't know that would you?"

Its pissed Yamato off to hear his friend talk to him like this. It also tore him up inside, but he wouldn't admit that, not even to himself, for a very long time. Instead, he said something stupid for the second time.

"Well, if pisses me off when you hold grudges against me for no reason, but you don't see me starting shit fights over them do you?" He turned to face the door, intending to leave right then, but though of something else to say first. "Goodbye. Don't expect to see me again for a very long time."

He made sure to slam the door as hard as he could when he left. Taichi felt his forehead make contact with the table, and a soft thud. He had no idea what had just happened; he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

It took two weeks of hearing nothing from or about Yamato before Taichi even began to believe he was really gone. It wasn't until Takeru came by to collect a few things for his brother that the realization really started to sink in. He didn't even know that Yamato and Sora were married until two months after the ceremony took place. It didn't really bother him. What bothered him most was trying to figure out why the powers that be were putting him through this. He spent a lot of sleepless nights thinking, and most others crying. His resolution came to him on a sleepless night, not long after he was told of the wedding.

_If I get a second chance, things will be different. I'll tell him. If I don't, I don't know how I'll be able to live with myself..._


	3. Another Empty Moment, Another Hollow Smi...

A/N: Wewt, chapter 2 is finished. ^_^ Not a lot is happening here, but it's a big set up chapter. This is where the real story begins. The last chapter was sort of a prologue, but not really, since it was technically the beginning of this tale. But this chapter lets you know where our protagonists' lives have taken them. And it isn't as happy as it ought to be..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[_Don't think that I can take another empty moment_

_Don't think that I can fake another hollow smile_]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dinner's almost ready."

"Okay," Sora's voice sounded from somewhere on the other side of the partition between the kitchen and dining room.

Yamato sighed, looking down at the food he was cooking, but not really seeing anything. _I know I should be happy._ He turned the stove off, and began arranging the dish on a plate. _I have the kind of life most people only dream about._ He scooped a generous amount of rice from the rice cooker into a large bowl, and turned his head to where the partition ended.

"Food's ready," he picked up the plate, along with the rice, and walked out into the dining room.

"Smells good," Sora smiled, while struggling with their three year old. "Mika, settle down!"

"Don' wanna!"

Yamato chuckled half-heartedly, and set the food down in the middle of the small table. "She's three, dear. She doesn't know the meaning of 'settle down'."

Sora sighed, slightly rumpled, but not actually upset. "I know, I know.."

Mika giggled and continued squirming. "C'mon, stop talking already, I'm hungry!"

Sora sighed in defeat and sat down at one side of Mika, while Yamato sat at the other. They ate in what would have been silence if Mika hadn't been there. Yamato tuned most of Mika's noise out though, losing himself to his thoughts again.

_Why am I not happy?_

Taichi closed the door a bit louder than he had meant to, which meant he had woken Daisuke and now had to deal with an annoyed roommate.

"Look, I didn't mean to slam it, okay?"

"In case you haven't noticed," Daisuke glared at him. "You aren't the only person living in this apartment."

"Daisuke," Taichi raised his eyebrows. "I'd have to be deaf, blind, and incredibly stupid to not notice that you live here too."

Daisuke grumbled something incoherently. "Whatever. Just be more careful next time, okay?"

Taichi walked past him and into their small living room, landing himself heavily on the couch. Daisuke nearly glared at him, but stopped himself, his expression softening a little. He followed Taichi into the living room, sitting down in a chair opposite of the couch.

"Bad day?"

"Bad mood," Taichi glanced over at Daisuke, a sardonic look on his face.

"What's the look for?" Daisuke raised an eyebrow, but remained serious.

"I-" Taichi began, but bit his lip before he said more. "It just feels like my life is lacking recently."

"Lacking?"

"Its-" Taichi turned away from Daisuke. "Its hard to explain. I really don't feel like talking about this."

Daisuke sighed, feeling a little defeated, but let the subject drop all the same. He glanced to the side, then back at Taichi before standing up. "I think I'm going to go finish my nap.."

Taichi looked up, a bit startled. "Ah..thanks.."

Daisuke gave him an odd look, then left the room. Taichi sighed to himself, and stretched himself out on the couch. _If only you knew how screwed up and stupid I felt right now. You'd probably laugh at me. And I probably wouldn't blame you, regardless of how offended I get. I don't even know where this feeling came from all of a sudden. And right when my life was starting to fall into order._

_Oh, who am I kidding? My life has never been 'in order'. And it certainly isn't 'in order' now._

"Yamato?"

"Ah-huh?" Yamato blinked, looking up at his wife. "Mmm, sorry. Just..thinking."

"Mmmm," she looked at him evenly, but not was not able to keep her eyebrows from knitting themselves together a little. "Is everything okay?"

"Ah, yeah," he nodded slowly, trying his best to seem confident (which was certainly not how he felt right then). "Just...thinking.."

"Hm, well you seem to be thinking a lot recently."

"Do I?" He caught her gaze, and matched it. "I guess I have been.."

"If there's anything you want to talk about-"

"I know," he smiled at her, though he wasn't entirely sure it wasn't just an involuntary movement of his lips. "Don't worry about it."

She bit her lip. "Well, if you say so.."

"And I do," he stood up, breaking their eye contact. "Just please don't worry about me..its just something I need to work out with myself."

"Okay," she didn't really look convinced, but she let the subject drop nonetheless.

He moved around the table, picking up the dishes. He stopped suddenly, setting what he had gathered down, the dishes clinking from the force. Sora look up from where she was still sitting, somewhat startled.

"Yamato?"

"I-" he shook his head a little, and then turned to face her. "I'm going..to go take a walk."

"A walk?"

"I-yeah," he took a deep breath, steadying himself. "I don't know when I'll be back, so..so don't bother staying awake."

She looked at him, this time the worry making itself much more evident. "Well...I guess I can't stop you."

He turned and began walking from the room, then turned his head back to look at her. "Sora, it really isn't worth worrying about, I promise."

She looked down, but followed him when he left the room. "Well-"

"I'll..I'll see you later," he bent his neck a little to kiss her lightly. "I'll leave my phone on if that'll make you feel a little better."

She nodded stiffly. "Yeah..thanks."

"Goodnight," the door made a soft clicked as it closed behind him.

_What time is it?_ Taichi turned over to look at the clock across the room from where he was sprawled. _Nearly Ten. God._

"Taichi? You still out here?"

Taichi turned over again to face his roommate. "Yeah, what do you want?"

"Just trying to figure out where you went," Daisuke narrowed his eyes a bit, slightly annoyed. "Geez."

"Sorry," Taichi turned to face the back of the couch again. "Just go away, alright?"

"Are you still in a bad mood?"

"What does it look like?"

"Sorry I asked," Daisuke's eyes narrowed a bit more as his annoyance increased.

"You should be."

Daisuke brought a fist down on Taichi's shoulder. "Just a bad mood my foot."

"Ow," Taichi glared up at him. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Please tell me you aren't pining for that which you'll never have again.."

"Please tell me you'll go away some time in the next year..."

"For God's sake, Taichi," Daisuke gave his friend an exasperated look. "Get over it already."

"Easy for you to say," Taichi gave him a surly look and sat up.

"Maybe it is," Daisuke sat down next to him. "But I do mean it."

"You wouldn't say that if you actually understood."

"Taichi," Daisuke looked at him evenly, suddenly very sober. "I know how you feel, maybe not to the same degree, but I can still relate."

"No," Taichi sent him a very hurt look. "You can't know how I feel. Not at all."

"You could at least give me credit for trying," Daisuke looked away.

Taichi sighed. "You have no idea what I've gone through, Daisuke."

"You mean what you put yourself through," Daisuke looked at him again, somewhat calculating, but at the same time understanding.

"What I-?" Taichi gaped at him, a bit taken aback. "As if I could do anything to help feeling this way?"

"You could have made your feelings a little more clear," the understanding in Daisuke's expression faded. "You never did anything about it."

"What could I have done?"

"You could have told him," Daisuke said matter of factly.

Taichi sighed. "I'm a coward, okay?"

Daisuke's expression softened a little. "I know."

Taichi looked away, then stood up.

"Hmm?"

"I think I'm going to go take a walk.."

"That's probably not a bad idea," Daisuke stood up to match him. "I won't bother staying up to wait for you to get home, either."

"You know me too well," Taichi glanced at him, a playful smile crossing his features. "I'll..see you tomorrow."

"Kay," Daisuke followed him to the door, leaning against the frame while Taichi put his shoes on. "Just, er..be careful and stuff. And leave your phone on."

"Of course," Taichi stood up. "'Night."

The frame of the door rattled when the door crashed into it as it closed in Taichi's wake. Taichi didn't notice; he was running as quickly as he could down the stairs and into the night.


	4. Its Not Enough Just to be Sorry

A/N: Ah, finally another chapter done. This took me forever for two reasons. The first was how to deal with Yamato getting to Odaiba, which believe me was hard. I had to figure out where the heck he lived! That was fun. . He lives in Yokohama, by the way. Why? Because that's where he works. =P I don't feel like explaining his job right now, but it is in keeping with the whole astronaut thing. Anyway, I had to figure out where he lives because I had to figure out how to get him to Odaiba by train, which was also a pain. So the train route is accurate, very accurate. I now know how to get from Yokohama to Tokyo. o_O And please don't ask how Taichi got there. I'm just going to have him living somewhere nearby, okay? I'll figure out where he lives later.

The other reason this took so long was because after I got the whole transportation thing figured out, and got them to the beach, I kept getting stuck during the beach scene. It had be a certain way, and it was hard to get the thoughts and dialogue just right for that to happen. I think it turned out well, at least.

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[_It's not enough just to be sorry_

_Don't think that I could take another talk about it_]

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//Now approaching Machida station. Repeat, approaching Machida.//

_Machida? How did I get here?_

Yamato looked around the compartment he was sitting in, deserted save for the couple at the other end, who were much too busy with each other to notice him.

_Man, I remember when Sora and I used to do that kind of thing. We'd run around all night, even if we had school the next day._

He chanced another look around the train, before standing up. _I suppose I have no choice but to get off and change trains now._ The train came to a halt as Yamato moved to the nearest door. He dashed out as soon as it slid open, pondering which train to switch to. _I don't have anywhere I really need to go._ He sighed and eyed the ticket machines. _Hmm, I don't have a lot of time to decide, so I may as well take a train I'm familiar with._

"Odakyu line..where the heck is the machine for-" he cut himself of when he found it. "Ah, okay..this will take me...where?"

He looked at the list of stations. "Shinjuku, I guess. I can at least get to downtown Tokyo from there.."

He sighed, resigning himself to find the track for the Odakyu line. The train was already loading when he found the track. When he got on, he saw that it was a little more crowded than the Yokohama line train he had just left, and wondered why he had decided it was necessary to switch trains here.

_How many people are in here, anyways? _He looked down the aisle. There were three couple in the compartment, along with several drunk salarymen who were probably going somewhere to get even more drunk. _Great, everyone is either drunk or in ecstasy. I feel so out of place._ He looked at his watch, then at his ticket. _I'm stuck on this ting for half an hour..Great..._

Taichi was still running, to where, and for what reason, he didn't know or care. He just wanted to run away, from his life and, the more he thought about it, himself.

_I hate it, I can't stand it. I can't stand myself, still feeling this way. Its like its become part of me, slowly eating away, at its own will, controlling me. As much as I'd like to believe it, I was never rid of this, not even for a minute._

He found himself slowing down, and in a familiar place. A place that made every emotion he felt contradict itself.

_Of all the places to end up, why did I have to let my feet take me here? Its bad enough that I'm even here at all, but what's worse is that I don't want to leave; even if I wanted to, I don't think I physically could._

He walked a little further, hating himself and smiling to himself at the same time. He was glad to be somewhere familiar, so warm and welcoming, but found himself troubled by the feelings it stirred up in him.

_So many unfinished feelings and relationships, broken promises and a passion I forgot I had. It makes me want to do something, to change something, then it screams at me that its too damn late._

He stopped, not caring to go on. It seemed pointless to him now, to keep walking deeper and deeper into a past he'd sooner forget than revisit. When he stopped he was able to actually see where he was, and immediately wondered why he had stopped where he had.

He turned his head to gaze through the fence at his side, wondering why he had been possessed to stop in front the most unchanging thing he knew.

_The ocean never changes, never worries. Just sits there, and lets people enjoy it. I wish I could be that way. If I had been, I know Yamato wouldn't have left._

He moved his gaze from the calm waters, back to the beach entrance a few feet ahead of him. He wondered if it was legal for him to enter so late at night, then realized he didn't care.

_Its not as if caring has ever gotten me very far, not when it really mattered._

Yamato sighed, annoyed with himself, but at the same time not terribly upset at where he had ended up. He wasn't sure why had chosen to end his 'walk' here, at the beach. He decided it felt appropriate to him, even though he wasn't sure why.

_I'm almost glad that I missed my stop on the Oedo line. The more I think about it, the less I really want to wander the city tonight. I went out to think, not fool around._

He tilted his head upwards, becoming vaguely aware of the clear night sky above him, but too lost in himself to really care. He had already decided he had been looking for his answers outside himself for way too long.

_I can't even remember now when the last time was that I didn't feel this way. Its like falling into a hole, an unseen trap, then hitting your head. I can't remember what it was like to not feel like a part of me was missing. And what I hate even more is that I'm sure I didn't know what made me so whole then, either._

He let his head fall back down, to stare at the ground in front of him. He was beginning to think he was never going to find his answers; he hadn't found them in the people around himself, and they didn't seem to be inside himself, either.

He looked around, feeling like he wasn't alone, even though the beach was deserted. Or, rather, it had been. Yamato could see the faint outline of someone walking through the sand; he was fairly certain they hadn't noticed him yet. He decided not to worry about the stranger, and turned his attention back to the sand beneath him.

An unexpected gust of wind hit Taichi from behind, causing him to stumble over the sand he had been dragging his feet through. As he caught himself, he noticed another person sitting near the waters edge. He wasn't looking at the water, though; Taichi could clearly see his vision was directed him. It unnerved him a little, but at the same time he felt the urge to go join the stranger. _What the hell. He doesn't look dangerous, and it might not be such a bad thing to meet someone new._

He didn't get too much closer before he realized who it actually was. He stopped, unsure of what to do. Part of him wanted to turn around and leave, while the other part of him wanted nothing less than to run over to Yamato as fast as his feet would permit. _Why does it have to be him, always him? No matter how far away from him I think I've gotten, something always happens to remind me of him. I know it would be a lie to say I don't want to see him again, but I don't think I can do this, not now._

He turned, and started walking back, away from Yamato, before something else hit him. 

_This isn't right. There must be some reason that this is happening. Some reason that he's here, so far from where he lives. Especially at this hour of the night._ Taichi tried to think of some kind of logical reason for him to be there, but could only come up with one reason, which to him made little sense. _The only reason most people go to places like this in the middle of the night is because they're trying to get away from something, the way I'm trying to get away from him and all the things he makes me feel. But I have no idea of  what he might be wanting to get away from._

He paused, knowing the only way to find out was to turn around and ask Yamato. _I can't, I just can't do that._ He started walking again, then stopped. _No, I have to. I can't run away from him again. This isn't just about why he's here. How can I be sure I'll ever get another chance like this again?_ He took a deep breath, then turned around, really looking at Yamato's face this time. Even though he was farther away than he had been before, Taichi could see that the expression on Yamato's face was not that of a happy man. _Something really is wrong. I remember seeing that look on his face a lot when we were kids. I really hated that expression, which was part of the reason I was so intent on becoming his friend. And thinking back on why he had looked that way then, it makes me worry about why he's wearing that expression now._

He started walking, so quickly he was nearly running. Yamato heard the sound of his feet beating into the sand at his fast pace and looked up from the ground to see him running straight at him. He stood up, looking at the other man, wondering why he was moving so quickly to reach him. He didn't have much time to wonder, however. The other man reached him within seconds of Yamato's standing.

"Yamato, I-" Taichi paused, suddenly aware he hadn't thought of what to say when he got there. "I-"

Yamato just stared for a moment, then realized who was standing in front of him. "Taichi-"

"Yamato, I-uhm," Taichi still didn't know what to say, and was even more nervous after he saw Yamato's expression brighten when he realized who he was.

"Taichi, just stop." Yamato stepped as close to Taichi as was possible with out being on top of him and put his arms around him. "You can't say everything at once."

"I-Hey!" Taichi pushed Yamato away, angry at himself for almost giving into him so easily. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Embracing an old friend," Yamato replied, matter-of-factly.

"In case you forgot," Taichi glowered at him. "We haven't been friends since we were twenty."

"Then why did you come running when you realized who I was?"

"If you'd been watching me," he continued to glare at Yamato. "You would have noticed I nearly left twice."

"It was important enough that you had to actually think about it then," Yamato looked impressed. "That's really not much different."

"I'm beginning to think it was mistake not to leave," Taichi turned away from Yamato and began to walk away, to impress upon him how seriously he meant his words. He had only taken a few steps, however, when he felt a hand grab one of his wrists, causing him to stop.

"Please don't," Yamato's voice sounded honest and almost anxious. "I really don't want you to leave, Taichi."

"Tell me why I shouldn't," Taichi said softly, though he didn't move or turn around to face Yamato.

"Because I'm sorry, Taichi," Yamato whispered. "And I don't think I can stand having you mad at me any longer. I can't do this anymore."

"Its..a little late to simply say 'sorry', Yamato." Taichi turned his head around to look at  him. "Its not enough. It never can be."

Yamato let go of Taichi's wrist, feeling a little stunned. "But..why?"

"That's-" Taichi paused, choking down tears that wanted to fall. "You can't understand. You can't."

"Why not?" Yamato grabbed Taichi by the shoulder, and forced him to turn around. "Why can't I understand, Taichi?"

"Because you don't know," Taichi couldn't look at him; he knew he would start crying if he did. "You can't know what you took from me."

"What I-" Yamato looked at Taichi, feeling somewhat at a loss. "What do you-?"

"If you had known," Taichi looked at him, finally. "I don't think we'd be standing here now, like this. Things shouldn't have happened this way, Yamato."


	5. And We Softly Surrender

A/N: It took awhile, but chapter 4 is finally done. This chapter came out way different than originally planned, becoming a Taichi chapter instead of a Yamato one. It gets depressing towards the end, too. I'm so cruel to poor Taichi in this story. Don't worry though, Yamato will get more twisted as things go on. And for those who are wondering when the heck Taichi is going to finally tell Yamato... well.... its going to be awhile. This is going to be about 11 chapters long, and the confession doesn't happen until chapter 9 or 10 (I'm in the process of fiddling with the chapter content for the last few, because FFN seems to not allow lemony stuff, if you know what I mean -_-). Hopefully I'll be able to update sooner next time (that is, provided my classes don't decide to dump tons and tons of homework on me..).

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[_Just like me you got needs_

_And they're only a whisper away_

_And we softly surrender_

_To these lives that we've tendered away_]

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Yamato dropped the hand that had been grasping Taichi's shoulder, and looked at him uncertainly. He opened his mouth to reply, but found he didn't know what he wanted to, or could say. Taichi glanced at him, but didn't seem to notice his reaction; he turned his gaze away from Yamato, and went on.

"Things weren't supposed to happen this way, but what's done is done," Taichi turned towards Yamato. "Too much time has passed, Yamato."

"No," Yamato said, finding his voice at hearing this, though it wasn't much more than a whisper. "You're wrong."

Taichi turned around all the way, feeling his irritation overpowering his urge to cry. "How can you say that I'm wrong, when you don't even know me anymore?"

"What?" Yamato was pulled out his confusion by shock at what he had just heard. "How can you say I don't know you?"

"Because I don't think I know you anymore," Taichi turned his eyes down, staring at the ground. "We've both changed too much."

"No, we haven't changed at all," Yamato said evenly, as Taichi's eyes immediately fixed themselves on him. "Our lives just went in different directions."

"And those lives have changed us," Taichi narrowed his eyes a little, more in regret then in anger. "Whether you want to admit it or not."

Yamato opened and closed his mouth several times before finally replying. "Just because we aren't who we used to be doesn't mean we can't be friends again."

"Yes it does," Taichi said flatly. Yamato sighed in frustration as Taichi went on to say, "It matters because I don't think I want to be friends with the kind of person you've become."

"Oh?" Yamato asked, raising his eyebrows. "And what kind of person might that be?"

"A coward," Taichi said simply. "All you do is run from your problems now. You ran from me when you realized how much you fucked up our friendship before, and now you're running from something that you can't even identify!"

"I-" Yamato faltered. Somewhere in his mind he knew that was true. Then he remembered why he hadn't wanted Taichi to leave. "That's- That's why I told you not to leave. I don't want to run from you, not anymore."

"If you had said that five years ago-" Taichi's voice broke, and he turned away from Yamato, not wanting the other man to see the tears that had escaped. Somehow, as he always had, Yamato sensed that more was wrong than Taichi was letting on.

"Taichi-" Yamato said softly, before realizing how incredibly hypocritical Taichi was being. _You've been running from me too, maybe for longer than I have._

"Just- just go away, and stay away!" Taichi cried, turning around and glaring. "I don't want your sympathy! I was- I was almost over this! Just leave, already!"

"I'll leave," Yamato began, his voice quiet. "But I can't promise I'll stay gone. I still don't believe that you'd want me to disappear all over again."

"Do you think I really care what happens to you?!" Taichi exclaimed. "I-" The pained look that danced on Yamato's face nearly caused Taichi to faultier. "I stopped caring a long time ago!"

"If you don't care, then stop making such a big deal out of it," Yamato said sharply, while turning away from Taichi. "I'm going home, but I'm not going to just vanish from your life again."

Taichi didn't say anything; as he watched Yamato leave, irritated and confused, he wished he had. _I should, but I still can't. What the fuck am I so afraid of?_

"Yes, do tell me," Daisuke asked mockingly as Taichi glared at him from the couch where he was sprawled. "What is you're so afraid of?"

"Like you'd understand," Taichi mumbled, sticking his tongue out at Daisuke. "I mean, what's anyone afraid of in this sort of situation?"

"I suppose. I guess in your case-" Daisuke considered it. "He might think you were taking advantage of his current vulnerability."

"I actually hadn't thought of that," Taichi replied, raising his eyebrows. "I think its something more simple, like rejection that I'm afraid of."

"Even though that makes no sense," Daisuke rolled his eyes, as he always did when that particular idea came up. "After tonight, I think your biggest problem would be getting him to actually believe you. I still don't understand why you were acting that way."

"Neither do I." Taichi sighed, again feeling stupid, even though he knew that wasn't Daisuke's intent.

"What happened to telling him if you ever got another chance, anyway?"

"I-" Taichi started, then looked annoyed. "Wait a minute, how the hell do you know-?"

"Ah-" Daisuke looked suddenly guilty. "I, uhm, dunno?"

"Oh, I'm so sure!" Taichi threw a pillow at him. It sideswiped his left cheek. Daisuke laughed, picked up the pillow and lunged at Taichi. Taichi dodged, and Daisuke hit the couch.

"Ow," he remarked sullenly. "No fair."

"Oh, fair it is, my friend," Taichi replied sardonically. "That what you get for-"

He was cut of by the sound of the phone ringing shrilly in the next room. They exchanged glances before Taichi got up and went to get it.

"Uhm, hello?" Who the hell is calling us at 3 am?

"Taichi," the voice on the other end regarded him quietly.

"What the hell-" Taichi was rather annoyed. _He couldn't even wait one day? He had to call me the second he got home? And for that matter, how the hell did he get my number so fast?_ "What do you want now?"

"To talk." It was a simple reply, but laced with so much more.

"Well, I don't want to "talk"," Taichi said angrily. "Maybe- maybe not ever, but not..not now."

"Does that imply that you don't hate me?" He asked sarcastically.

"I never said I hated you," Taichi said heatedly. "I just- I can't, okay?"

"Can't-? Can't do what? Taichi?" Yamato asked, only to get a dial tone in reply. "Damn it!"

A door creaked open somewhere down the hall as he hung the phone up. He peered down the hall, and saw his wife poking her head from the door to their room.

"Yamato-?"

"Go back to bed," he said quietly, waving her back into their bedroom.

"Is everything okay?"

He shook his head, but said nothing. "Just don't worry about it, it's nothing."

"If you say so," she didn't sound convinced, but let fall none the less, turning around and going back into the bedroom, the door making a soft clicking sound as it closed behind her.

He sighed, and loped to the living room. As he sank into the couch, he went through both of the conversations he'd had with Taichi, unable to make sense of any of it. _He puts on a good show, but not good enough. I guess it never occurred to me that he might let his pride cloud his judgment like that._

He leaned back, sinking further into the leather beast of a sofa. _He seemed so torn, though, between his pride and what I know he wants._ He shifted uncomfortably. _I won't deny that I've been most of the problem, but now he's just making it worse._ Something dawned on him then. _Usually I'm the hard headed one. This is different then, very different._ Yamato sat up straight. _This is so much deeper than I thought..._

"You know I want more than anything to get this whole mess sorted," Taichi said quietly, in response to Daisuke's mumblings.

"Then stop being such a hard-headed twit," Daisuke stated bluntly. "And what about that vow to tell him if you ever got a chance, huh?"

"I-" Taichi searched hastily for a retort and found none. "-I don't know."

Daisuke shook his head sadly. "This might be a good time to figure that out."

"I know," Taichi began softly. "Its just.. I don't know, a wall, a mental block or something.."

"Those can be dealt with if you try hard enough," Daisuke said quietly, voice thick with personal knowledge. "Its also something that no one but you can do anything about."

Taichi nodded, but didn't say anything more. He glanced at Daisuke, who gave him a pointed look before standing up.

"As much as I would be overjoyed to continue this discussion of your woes," Daisuke began, with a hint of sarcasm. "Its late, and I think we both need some sleep."

"Yeah," Taichi agreed, though he wasn't really listening, just hearing his friend's voice as he slipped deeper into his own thoughts. "'Night then."

Daisuke nodded and left the room. When Taichi heard the soft click that meant Daisuke had just closed his door, he moved from the chair he'd been slouched in to the couch beside it. Sprawling himself over the couch, he gave himself over to his thoughts.

_A wall_. He never thought there was anything like that keeping him from telling the truth before. _It makes sense though. I know I had about a million and half chances to tell him before we even graduated from high school. _Taichi had always convinced himself that he'd never had an appropriate time to say it, but thinking about it now, he knew that wasn't true. _How many times was I alone with him?_ He knew the answer to that. _Too many to count._

He sat up, too anxious to stay still any longer. He remembered then what had been said at the beach that evening, and found himself wishing he hadn't said much of what he did. _Is it really too late to fix things, to change the situation we've cornered ourselves into?_ He decided quickly that he didn't believe that. _I don't think he was convinced that I believed it, either._ Yamato hadn't been convinced of much of what Taichi had said, now that he thought about it; somewhere inside his mind Taichi was glad of that.

Taichi shifted uncomfortably as he remembered what Yamato had said before leaving the beach. _He's not going to just go away again_. Taichi shuddered, as an understanding of what that could mean dawned on him. _He's going to back me into a corner, make me tell him._ Taichi sagged into the back of the couch, his thoughts darkening. _I'm just can't tell him. I've built a wall that I can't break, that's too tall to climb over. I've locked my feelings away too long._ Taichi blinked, bringing a hand up to touch a cheek that was now wet with the trail of new tears.


	6. There'll be no Rest for these tired eyes

A/N: Look, I'm updating! Yay! Yamato goes to Taichi's apartment in this chappie, and the ice is *broken*. No confessions of bad horrible secrets, yet, however. That's still two chapters away. ^_^ But you get a glimpse of how utterly messed up they both are in this one.

Unrequited love's a bitch, after all. Poor Taichi. ^_^But he won't have to suffer to much longer. Especially since I combined two chapters into one with this chapter. So that's one less chapter you have to wait for. Yay.

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_[No I would not sleep in this bed of lies_

_So toss me out and turn in And they'll be no rest for these tired eyes_

_I'm marking it down to learning _

_I am]_

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"Yamato-" Sora's voice, though anxious, did not sound as worried as Yamato had feared it might have. "You could have at least told me that you ran into him!"

"I didn't think it was that important," he said honestly, eyes wide.

"It's alright," she conceded. "Just keep in mind that the less I know, the more I'm going to worry."

He nodded, then drew back from her, his expression changing to unreadable but for the faraway look in his eyes. "You're going to worry anyways."

"Yes, well," she said, a small but true smile curling her lips. "Just let me know if there's anything I can-"

He raised a hand, cutting her off. "Its not -" He paused, then started again. "This is something I think I need to do alone."

She blinked, taken aback. "Well- well, okay, if that's what you want."

"Thanks," he whispered, grateful that she had not pushed the issue any further. "I do need to go, though."

"Yes," she said softly. "I suppose you do."

"I had hoped that he and I could talk this through on the phone, but-" he paused, his mouth twitching into a bitter smile. "-it's hard to talk to a dial tone."

"Well,-" she paused as he lightly kissed her forehead. "-Take care.."

"I will." The door made a soft click as it closed behind him.

A loud, irritating noise cut through the air, causing Daisuke to jump and Taichi to glare angrily at the offending buzzer. Standing up, Daisuke looked at Taichi, bewildered.

"You're not expecting anyone, are you?" He asked.

"No, I'm not." Taichi shook his head, sitting up straighter. "I was about to go to bed, actually."

"Huh," Daisuke remarked, heading to the buzzer. He pushed the intercom button, and asked very formally, "yes?"

"Uhm-" Yamato's nervous, and slightly startled voice caught in his throat for a moment. "Is Taichi home? If he's not, I'll leave."

"Hey," Daisuke turned towards Taichi, taking his hand away from the intercom button. "Are you home?"

"What the hell kind of question is that?"

"Well, Yamato needs some kind of answer."

"Yamato-?" Taichi spat, nearly falling out of his chair. "I'm not here! I'm not here!"

"Uh, sure," Daisuke said, turning back to the intercom, eyebrows raised. Pushing the button once more, he replied, "He says he's not home."

"Daisuke!!!" Taichi jumped up from his chair, running towards Daisuke, who promptly removed his hand from the intercom button. Bringing a fist down on his friend's skull, he whispered to him angrily, "what is wrong with you?!"

"A lot of things," Daisuke replied. "But I'm not letting you send him away. He's come pretty damn far just to talk."

"Well, good for him," Taichi said angrily, slapping Daisuke's hand away from the buzzer button that would let Yamato in. He looked at Daisuke sharply, before turning away from him. "I'm going to bed now. I really don't care if that puts a damper on whatever plans he had."

Daisuke rolled his eyes, and watched Taichi skulk down the hallway to his bedroom. When he was certain Taichi was in his room, door closed, he hit the intercom button. "Yamato, you still down there?"

"Ah- yeah, I am," Yamato answered hastily, obviously startled. "Has he decided to stop acting like a five year old?"

"No, but I'm gonna let you in anyway," Daisuke said, pushing the enter button.

"Uhm, thanks," was all Yamato said before opening the door as it buzzed loudly at him.

The hamper fell with a loud clunk as it hit the floor with the force of the kick Taichi had sent at it. Grumbling, he righted it and began undressing himself. _I thought I was the one who didn't know how when to stop pushing! I can't remember there ever being time when he seemed so stubborn._ As he stood up, and threw the clothes he had just removed into the hamper, he realized something. _He never seemed this stubborn because he never needed to force me to tell him anything._

The sound of footsteps outside his closed door shook his thoughts away. _Daisuke..? No, his steps are heavier than those. _Taichi continued to listen, and only when the soft steps stopped right outside his door did he realize who it was. The doorknob turned before Taichi had anytime to react to his recognition of Yamato's light footsteps, much less before he realized he was wearing nothing but boxers.

"Do you not know how to knock?!" Taichi hissed, rather loudly, while glaring at Yamato as the other man stepped over the threshold.

"I figured it would be more effective to argue with you face to face than through a door," Yamato replied simply, closing the door quietly behind him. At the seething look he received for his remark, he added, "Or a phone line."

"Look, it's not my fault you don't know how to take a hint!" Taichi exclaimed in irritation.

"Oh, I don't how to a take a hint?" Yamato asked incredulously, sitting down on the bed. "Have you listened anything I've said to you?"

"I've heard too much, thank you," Taichi said, casting a sideways glower at Yamato as he  pulled a t-shirt over his head and sat down on his bed.

"That doesn't mean anything," Yamato muttered, looking away from Taichi. "Considering that you aren't even listening now."

"Why should I listen to you," Taichi began softly, staring at his lap. "When you've yet to listen to me."

"I did listen," Yamato said earnestly, turning to look at Taichi, his eyes pleading with the other man. "I don't understand why you would say those things. Why can't you just-"

"I can't just-" Taichi paused, looking away from Yamato. "-It doesn't matter anymore, okay? What's done is done, so just let me get on with my life, alright?"

"But it does matter, and you're doing a very bad job of hiding that," Yamato said, attempting to make eye contact with Taichi. "And I don't think you'll be able to "get on with your life" until you face that fact."

"I was doing just fine before you showed up again," Taichi said softly.

"No, you were just able to run away easier, and so was I," Yamato said frankly. "But-" he paused, not sure how to say what he wanted to say, "-I realized something when I saw you on that beach... I was given a chance to start over, Taichi, to make things right!"

"But-" Taichi looked at Yamato, really looked at him for the first time that night. _He...he really means that...Oh god, oh God._ Taichi felt everything he'd forced away spill through him in a great wave. "At what cost, Yamato? I don't either of us can go back to where we were.."

"That's not what I'm asking, Taichi. I don't want that at all," Yamato replied, shaking his head, and smiling a genuine smile. "I want it be better. No lies. No running."

"Do you think its that easy? To end lies that have no end," Taichi said heatedly. "And to stop running when neither of us can remember what it's like not to run?"

"The lies won't seem so endless when we do stop running," Yamato replied, as if were an obvious answer. "And that's what I'm offering to do, Taichi. I want to stop running from you, but I can't do that until you stop too."

Taichi looked at Yamato, his eyes narrowed in thought. _I began running long before you knew anything was wrong... I've been running so long, I think I may have stopped and dug myself into a hole to keep from getting any further away._ Taichi looked at his hands in an effort to not look at Yamato. _I'm trapped, Yamato, in a hole full of my despairs and wishes, my love and my fear._

"Taichi?" Yamato had sat down next to Taichi on the bed while Taichi had briefly lost himself to his thoughts. He stretched a hand towards Taichi, who automatically swatted it away.

"Ah-" Taichi had not been expecting any sort of physical advance, and was taken aback. He instantly wished he hadn't let himself be, but could do little about it besides continue to be cold towards the other man. "Don't touch me-"

"I didn't mean-" Yamato cut him off, without realizing it and without knowing what he was going to say. "-It just sort of happened. I didn't realize what I was doing...I let me instincts get the better of me. It- it won't happen again.." Saying the last bit left a bad taste in his mouth, though he wasn't sure why.

"Good," Taichi said, standing up, if for no reason other than to distance himself from Yamato. _I forgot what its like to be so...close._ A shiver ran through him.

"Taichi-" Yamato understood exactly what Taichi was doing, could see how he was attempting to keep himself distanced. _Damn it. I think I was actually getting somewhere...but no, I had to go and fuck it up._ Yamato scowled as his thoughts continued to darken.

"We can..still talk," Taichi said quietly, upon seeing the look on the other man's face. _Its not like I'm trying to hurt him...but I can't just give in._ "..I guess."

"We can-?" Yamato looked startled at this, but his expression brightened at hearing it. "But I thought-"

"Look, I just said I'm willing to talk, okay?" Taichi glared at him. "Don't read anything into, alright?"

"Alright, I won't." Yamato blinked at this display of defensiveness. "But do you have to stand so far away? At least sit back down."

"I..I guess," Taichi closed his eyes, and sat back down next to Yamato. _I can feel the heat from his body, just sitting next to him and we're not even that close. If he comes any closer- oh, I don't want to think about it, I can't._ Taichi was beginning to realize what keeping his desires, both emotional and physical, bottled up was doing to him. He glanced over at Yamato, and unintentionally made eye contact as he was unable to look away from the concerned look on the other man's face. "Ah-"

"Oh. Uhm-" Yamato turned away unexpectedly, and found himself wondering what had just happened. _He looked so vulnerable just now- like he'd fall apart if I so much as touched his arm._ Turning his eyes back towards Taichi, Yamato attempted to regain his composure, to act as if he hadn't noticed anything.

"I- I don't think I'm going to be much for- for talking tonight," Taichi said uncertainly, his eyes now glued to his lap.

"Then let me talk," Yamato said, looking at Taichi, trying his hardest to mask his concern. "Just promise me you'll listen."


	7. Somewhere where I just don't belong

A/N: After way too much time between updates, a new chapter is here. I'm not sure exactly how the next chapter will link from this one, since this one is mostly just introspective moments, switching from Taichi to Yamato and back. Taichi should be cracking in the next chapter though, so it'll be more enjoyable to write than this one. I want to finish this story soon, though I fear that the second story in this series, about Daisuke, may end up becoming part of the continuity of this one. Not necessarily part of this story, but most of it takes place in the time between the first two chapters of this story. And then the rest takes place after. It's all very confusing.

I'll probably end up rewriting bits of this story after it's completed as well, since there's stuff I know I should have written in, or need to add, but at the moment am too lazy to do anything about. Again, I apologize for lack of updates, but it'll be more regular for the rest of this journey, once a month or so I'm hoping.

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[_Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over_

_Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong_

_Where it's not enough just be sorry_]

Taichi woke with a start, why he did not know. He sat up. He had been sweating while he slept; cold drops slid down from his temples, and down his neck and back. He looked around his bedroom. Just the night before, he'd had Yamato in here, been alone with him, and had made no move. Again. He fell back into his sheets, feeling once more a fool. And more than a fool- he was so foolish he lost his wits when he was around Yamato, acting so rude he was amazed Yamato kept trying to crack him open.

He sat up again, knowing he needed to get up, need to go to work. He didn't want to, and considered calling in, something he rarely did as it was. The past two days had been a blur, easily the most upsetting weekend he'd ever experienced. He decided he was deserving of a day off after all that.

He got to his feet, unsteadily at first, and opened the door to his bedroom. Before slipping out, he peered down the hallway to see if Daisuke was up and about yet. When he had established in his mind that the coast was, indeed, clear, he crept to the kitchen, where the phone was located. No sooner had he put a hand on the receiver did Daisuke's voice sound, echoing in the once empty kitchen.

"Calling in?" He asked, looking disappointed.

"Yes, not that its any of your business," Taichi told him coldly, picking up the receiver.

"As long as we're living together, it is," Daisuke declared simply. When he spoke again his voice was a little softer in tone. "I guess I can understand, though."

"Thanks, not that I care whether you think I should call in or not," Taichi said, preparing to dial. He was glad that Daisuke didn't speak while he made his call, but after he hung up he wished that Daisuke wasn't there at all.

"So did anything happen last night?"

"No, thank you very much," Taichi said furiously.

"Really? I had the impression he'd stayed until you fell asleep," Daisuke said, obviously not concerned in the least how any of this affected Taichi. "He said you were out like a light when he left."

"How late were you up, anyway?"

"Too late," Daisuke said, eyes seeming to be focused everywhere except on Taichi. "But I'm still going in to work."

Taichi looked infuriated, and Daisuke was wise to dart out of the apartment before Taichi could harm him in any way. Taichi wondered absently which of his four jobs Daisuke was working that day. He put the receiver back on its base, and looked around the kitchen distractedly, pondering the idea of eating something. He decided, after much absent minded gazing at the contents of the cupboard that he wasn't that hungry anyway, and went back to his room.

Even though no one else was there, he closed his bedroom door before sitting down heavily on his bed. He let himself fall backwards, trying to remember what had happened the previous night. He remembered Yamato talking about feeling unfulfilled; as much as he wanted the missing piece to be himself, he felt it more likely that Yamato was feeling the effects finally of giving up on his creativity. It still pained him, though, to see him like that. Only when Yamato was truly depressed did he elicit sympathy from Taichi, unrequited love or no.

He knew he had been right, then, about how Yamato looked when they had met on the beach. There were few things that could make him look so sad, and after what Yamato had told him, it made sense to him, that face he'd been wearing.

Raising an arm into the air above him as he so often did, he found himself imagining how Yamato's skin would feel under his fingers. He did this often, more times than he cared to count, and every time it made him sick that he wanted to feel every bit of Yamato's body with those fingers. Sick, and exhilarated. He had come to terms with the feeling long ago, but it still caught him off guard sometimes, and certainly had that particular morning.

But as much as he wanted to, he couldn't hate himself for feeling this way anymore. It was partly from time and partly from Daisuke's continual sympathy, hearing the same things from him. He was nice, having someone so close by that actually understood his crooked mind. And yet, still he still found himself wondering how much easier his life would be without these desires. So far, the only thing he'd gained was a deepening of his friendship with Daisuke, something he was certainly grateful for, but nothing completely fulfilling.

And that was what it was, right there. He would never feel whole, never. Unless by some miracle, the hole in Yamato's life was actually him. No, there was no way that would ever be it, not a chance. It might make a nice fantasy, though.

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Yamato opened his eyes. Sunlight was streaming into the room through open curtains, nearly blinding him. He blinked, realizing he was in his own living room, the past night's events becoming clear in his memory. He chanced a look at his watch. It was close to noon, and he was very, very late to work.

Or well, he would be if he were going to work at all that day, something he doubted greatly. He sat up, shaking his head vigorously in an attempt to wake himself mentally. It made him a bit dizzy, but ultimately did the trick. He didn't get up from the couch, though. He was far too concerned with understanding what had happened the night before. Even though Taichi hadn't spoken much, Yamato thought he made progress in getting him to open up, if even just the smallest bit.

He couldn't quite grasp why it was so important to know what Taichi was thinking, and had been thinking for so long. Or was it simply just thoughts? Yamato was certain that there was more to it, but he couldn't put his finger on it, and nothing bothered him more than be in the dark about something so obviously important. He wondered, then, how long Taichi had been feeling this way, and why he hadn't noticed before. Had Taichi just been better at covering it up? Or has Yamato been more insensitive to his friend's needs than he'd thought?

As insensitive as he'd been, Taichi's behavior would have been hard to ignore. It would have had much the same effect as it was now. He wanted so badly to be in Taichi's good graces, really be in them. He was almost there; Taichi had let him in for a while that night, which was more than he'd hoped for. He was beginning to truly dislike the position Taichi was forcing him into. And he would remain there until he could figure out what Taichi wanted from him, something he more than likely wouldn't know until Taichi told him everything he was holding back.

And he wondered if maybe all the information he wanted, and needed, Taichi's problems, what he needed to say, if maybe it was all the same small bit of information? That would be anticlimactic at best, but it was a reasonable theory. Of course, it all hinged on whether Taichi would ever open up to him again.

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Taichi didn't do very much that day. He fell asleep lost in thought, waking after a series of dreams he didn't care to remember. It made him more aware of his situation, though, and made him realize that ultimately he was going to cave and admit everything to Yamato. And when he did, well, things would change, and probably not for the better.

He didn't want that to happen, though. The thought of losing him as a friend again was far worse than simply never telling him. He could live with his love unrequited, his lust unslicked; living without even seeing him was something he didn't think he'd be able to face again. But try as he might, he felt more and more sure that he would crack, and that it was possible that his defenses were starting to slip.

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Yamato got up from the couch once that day, to call into work. He sat back down heavily and looked around his living room. He realized for the first time that nothing of the decorating in this room had come from him. It unsettled him, as memories of decorating the apartment he'd shared with Taichi came to his mind, memories of how many ideas he'd had and how he'd been unable to use most of them. He smiled, a warm feeling echoing in those memories of something he was uncertain he'd be able to attain once more.

He found himself feeling out of place in that room, like it wasn't his. He didn't want to be there, but he couldn't leave. How far had wandered from his path before realizing he was lost?

His thoughts fell back to the previous night, and he found himself wishing it hadn't been so short. He'd lost so much time when he strayed from the path, and that was only the beginning of what it would take to make it up. But he wanted to, and would enjoy doing so. He felt strangely contented thinking about that, pondering how to he could make it up to Taichi even without the knowledge he so desperately needed. For now, all he could do was insist on spending time with him, which was oddly dissatisfying.

He wondered when he should call again, as waiting for Taichi to do anything would take longer than he'd like to wait. He didn't want to be there, in that position, and he was determined to make sure things changed. And nothing would change if his progress with Taichi stagnated even just a little bit. He wouldn't know how to fix his own problems until he had Taichi's support. He didn't know why it was so important to him, but he did know why he'd found Taichi that night on the beach.

He'd wanted to so badly to know what was missing, to be given what he needed, and he was. He hadn't realized before how important Taichi had been in his life, and was now lost without his support.

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On an extra note, I want to complain/apologize/explain about the slight change is formatting. FFN is being a jerk and the "quickedit" is taking away all special character placed in documents, whether or not you actually use it to edit documents. So all the sqigglys (dunno what else to call them) are gone. I complained about it to them, but they haven't fixed it, and I being the good person I am, did not want my update to be any more delayed by their massive stupidity and so am I altering my format to suit their preferences.


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